As this Advisor explores, the best communicators and leaders combine the art and science of asking good questions of others and themselves. Whether to build better relationships, create an open and safe team culture, innovate, or get to the root cause of an issue, it takes courage and humility to ask pertinent, insightful, challenging questions. Doing so is also key to inspiring trust and getting others to engage and share their ideas. At the individual level, these communicators and leaders become lifelong learners, willing to ask questions like “How can I do better?”; “What am I not seeing or considering?”; and “Who can I reach out to for support or insights?”
The Science
Good questions share some key dimensions: they are clear, concise, and relevant. Each question addresses a specific purpose, whether to challenge assumptions, gather information, provoke curiosity, or stimulate new pathways for thinking. Posing questions is a strategic endeavor: what you ask, the order in which you ask, and when you ask matter. The time of day and other contextual realities can have a tremendous impact on the answers you receive, as well as the answers you produce yourself. Anyone with a teenager in the house or in the classroom knows not to ask anything, let alone anything serious, early in the day! At work, brainstorming sessions are best held mid-morning, while questions to which you want quick answers with little to no input are great to hold until near the end of the day when most people are focused on wrapping up.
Asking why, what, when, where, and how is the first step, and learning to elevate those questions is the next. For example, “Why not?”; “What if?”; “Where else?”; and “How other?” are simple examples of how to shift perspectives, deepen conversations, and unearth innovative ideas and possibilities. A well-constructed question is open-ended, allowing for various responses and perspectives that encourage further inquiry and discussion. Well-considered questions direct attention to specific aspects of a problem or issue and help reveal assumptions and biases.
Taking the time to focus on the quality of questions asked (i.e., making them thought-provoking) can also have a strong impact. Consider how at the end of an interview, the interviewer often asks, “Do you have any questions for us?” A response such as, “When will you be making your decision?” is universally seen as a weak response. An interviewee who wants to demonstrate their knowledge through a question might ask, “In reviewing recent posts from activists, I have read about increasing demands for transparency related to your ESG metrics. How are you addressing those concerns?”
The Art
The art of asking good questions involves many dimensions. It starts with an ability and willingness to engage with vulnerability and empathy. Connecting with others means acknowledging that there may be concerns, fears, and triggers associated with the inquiry. Showing patience, learning to “nudge” the discussion forward slowly and with care, and reading the room comes with time and experience.
Vulnerability and empathy are key to building one’s emotional intelligence. Recently, a Harvard-based researcher shared how emotionally intelligent people consistently ask meaningful questions that elicit deep feelings. For example, you might ask: “How did you get into…?”; “What are your thoughts on…?”; or “How do you feel about…?” People who develop this capacity are known for leaving people feeling seen, heard, and valued. Other researchers have highlighted how emotionally intelligent people develop resilience by drawing on their self-exploration to share their personal mistakes and failures. Emotionally intelligent people also practice developing gratitude by asking themselves questions like “How can I learn to be grateful for this experience?”
The artistic component of asking good questions involves one’s interpersonal skills: the “how” of asking. Recognize that the words you speak are just the starting point, followed by focusing on one’s presence — tone of voice, posture, energy level, gestures, and eye contact, to name a few. Most people do not remember exactly what was said during an interaction, but they remember how they felt.
The use of nonverbals is crucial in creating an environment where others are comfortable opening up. For example, using a booming voice to ask personal questions will immediately shut down the conversation. Using a dismissive tone will not compel someone to share their heartfelt issues with you. How you speak to yourself is equally important. Instead of “You dummy, why did you do that again?” try “What can I do differently next time?”
Artistic elements include active listening and the ability to respond or adapt to your audience’s verbal and nonverbal cues. Recognizing that what is said is often different than what is meant, one must be observant and develop the ability to read cues such as awkward pauses, refusal to make eye contact, and the emergence of micro-tells like a twitch (or behavior like hand-wringing and ring-twisting).
Being able to combine the art and science of asking questions leads to the most valuable answers from your audience. Equally important are the questions you ask yourself. Understanding the art and science of asking questions and building one’s skillset evolves over time and requires practice. Journalists, members of the medical community, researchers, and marketing and sales professionals are among those who are trained in the art and science of asking questions, but asking good questions is a skill that can be learned.
[For more from the author on this topic, see: “Reclaiming Purpose: The Art & Science of Asking Good Questions.”]
